Blonde Jokes. Star If You Like Them.?

How many sheep do I have?
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd
who was tending to them.
“If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
“You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,
“if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. “You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog.”
+++++++
MAIL!
You’ve got mail
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it,
closed the door of the box, and went back in the house.
A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented:
“You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.”
The blonde answered, “No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail.”
+++++++
One wish to each
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
+++++++
What type of prize did you win?
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it.
She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab,
she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”
The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!”
The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home!”
By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have
won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.”
Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home!”
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”
+++++++
Do you realize what I am?
A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke,
when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?”
+++++++
Helping a blond lose weight
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

Blonde Jokes .. Funny Or Not?

Magic Mirror
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think…’ and it sucked her in.
Speeding Ticket
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and says “Excuse m’am, could I please see your driving license and registration.”
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

How About These Jokes? ?

Ammo Sell Out
All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.
A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia , they sure as heck ain’t doin’ it to Alabama .
Redneck Children
“You’ve just had your twelfth baby miss.
What are you going to name this one?”
“Phil.
”
“But you named the last eleven Phil.
”
“Yeah its great. I say Phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say Phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner.
”
“But what if you only want one of them?”
“Oh! Then I call them by their last name.
”
Question
If a man says something in the woods and a woman does not hear him, is he still wrong?
The Dog
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, “Boyo, I’m in deep doo doo now.” (He was an Irish setter)…. Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “Man, that was one delicious leopard.
I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.
”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.
”
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn’t seen them yet.
And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says,
“Where’s that monkey. I just can never trust him.
I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he’s still not back!!”
Forgetful Wife
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around — in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her — the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her
“While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.
”
The Old Couple
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.
‘
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.
‘
The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! 2 tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
‘
The wife, and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof! The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember fairies are female!
The E-Mail
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Mi