This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated 
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
Are You…? (part 2)?
a true 90s kid part 2?
You still get the urge to say “NOT” after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everyhting was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish…eeny meeny miney mo…and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
“Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He’s a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on “intruders”
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow
Part 2 Of My ‘ideal School’ Essay.?
The first part of my essay is at http://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/questi…
Students are required to spend 2 hours a day in study rooms, keeping quiet at all times. Flying paper planes roam the sky in here. Mobile phones, music players, alcohol, cigarettes and drugs are prohibited. Any students caught for a minor offense is given a stern warning and demerit points, moderate ones given caning whereas a heavy offense is punished either by wearing a hot dog suit singing numa numa everyday for a week or fighting in a gladiator style match with a crazed robot trying to set him on fire, which was another project gone wrong, with a gun and try to survive on his Gunkata skills.
Students are split into the boys and girls dormitories with 4 students sleeping in one room with an attached toilet. Students are not allowed to enter the dormitory of the other gender. Students are not allowed to spend more than 15 minutes in the shower due to reports of facial treatments or spa sessions in the bathroom or singing in it due to the fact a poor singer’s song was mistaken for a fire siren and everyone panicked, running out of the school calling the fire brigade. The student had a lot to explain about causing the false alarm.
Exams are held twice a year for all subjects. Students must also complete projects given to them where 20 points will go into the final result. All exams are answered by hand. Students are only allowed to bring a pen, a pencil, a ruler, an eraser, correction liquid and an extra tube of ink into the examination hall. All results are final and are sent to the Ministry of Education for filing. Anyone caught cheating is given 0 marks in his exam paper and a warning letter. Any student trying to place a charm on the teacher with a wand to give him/her full marks is sent to Hogwarts Academy of Magic.
Students are encouraged to broaden their view on life, which has created school elections for various posts. The post of school president, vice president, several minister posts and 25 council seats are contested. Several political parties dominate the scene, the Popular Guys Party, which encourages people to be cool, the Popular Girls Party, who chase after the popular guys and also the Angry Nerds Party, which advocates cruel torture on their bullying popular guys. The Angry Nerds Party Headquarters is filled with weapons and the passageways are filled with booby traps. Members are trained in martial arts. The winner of last year’s election was the moderate Peace Party, winning the presidency, 3 out of 5 minister posts and 16 council seats. The Peace Party is a group of people who advocate peace between the two extreme sides, something not everyone takes kindly.
Sports is given great emphasis, and numerous sports teams exist, like the Football team, Basketball team, Volleyball team, Tennis team, Pretend Warfare team and recently the Quidditch team. The Morgan Aniston Secondary Boarding School Quidditch team is among the best, although heavy injuries are sustained falling 50 feet straight down and players complain of painful bottoms after sitting on a flying broom for 2 hours. Nevertheless, the Quidditch, Basketball and Pretend Warfare team have won the inter-school championship at least once in the last 5 years, the Pretend Warfare team, using click pistols and rifles with 20 players in a team winning 3 years in a row due to their great skill in Gunkata, inflicting disproportionate casualties on rival teams.
Holidays run from July to September with 3 weeks holiday for Christmas. There is a Year-end feast for all students on the last day of school and students are allowed to do anything they want within boundaries. A mad frenzy for the computer room and hair salon creates many champions runners from this school as there are limited facilities for 2000 students. Wrestling and kung fu fights are common. The arms locker was broken open one year, causing desperate Gunkata matches among students to save their lives, incidentally improving their skills, reflexes and agility. Parents come to take their children home and tearful farewells are said among friends, waiting for the day they will meet again.
Despite its quirks and eccentricities, this is my ideal school, Morgan Aniston Secondary Boarding School.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
David Blaine Dive Of Death… Dive Part…?
Ok, the upside-down thing was not a trick, it was an endurance feat. Plus there are already articles going around saying that he wasn’t upside-down the entire time.
But enough with that, lets talk about his “Dive.”
Was is…
1. A botched trick
2. A punch in the face to his fans
3. Him just saying “just kidding”
Serious, what was up with that? So disappointed!
The Headline Read:” High School Dropouts Cut In Half.” Were They Part Of A Magic Act?
That’s a pretty harsh punishment!
