Do You Think This Is A Good Story Idea?
Okay, I have a book (well, three), I’m not done yet, but it’s about high school kids, and basic high school life, but 1) The kids are genuises, and 2) some of the kids have powers. The first, and most complete is about 2 girls who become popular, and then are ditched, basically, and no one likes them. Then they meet these guys and make friends with them (They sit next to each other in alphabetical order, so…). There are alternating chapters between these four, and also three others, who go to another school (They’re not genuises.). One is super-popular, and the other two are, well not so much. One is mentally insane, but no one really knows, and the other, is well, just normal. The insane one is the second in command girl at the first school’s step-brother (No one really knows until the second book, though.) It gets complicated, though. I think it’ll either be a hit, or not, because some people who like magic books don’t like cliquey books, or romance(has that, a little). So…
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated 
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
Do You Think The 90′s (like The 1990s) Were The Good Times?
Compare will ya? 1990s from 2000s (if you were born in 1990 that counts as u being a 90′s kid and knowing alot… but around the 1996… 3 years of being in the 90′s doesnt count you as a 90′s kid but u can try) But my point is.. Do you think the 90′s were the good old days? And the 2000 just disaster? If you really think about it were the 90s the good old days where you remember AHH! MONSTERS or when gas was only 60 cents? Boys Meets World? When Everything was settled by Miss Mary Mack or Bubble Gum Bubble Gum? You remember The Magic School Bus? WHERE HAVE THESE DAYS GONE? Compare will ya?
Who Do You Think Is Cooler?
Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus
or
Arthur from Arthur
or
Elliot from Pete’s Dragon
Do You Think The 90′s (like The 1990s) Were The Good Times?
Compare will ya? 1990s from 2000s (if you were born in 1990 that counts as u being a 90′s kid and knowing alot… but around the 1996… 3 years of being in the 90′s doesnt count you as a 90′s kid but u can try) But my point is.. Do you think the 90′s were the good old days? And the 2000 just disaster? If you really think about it were the 90s the good old days where you remember AHH! MONSTERS or when gas was only 60 cents? Boys Meets World? When Everything was settled by Miss Mary Mack or Bubble Gum Bubble Gum? You remember The Magic School Bus? WHERE HAVE THESE DAYS GONE? Compare will ya?
