This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated 
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
What Were Your Favorite Childhood Cartoons?
What were your favorite childhood cartoons?
Mines were:
Doug
Hey Arnold
Rugrats
CatDog
Angela Anaconda
Dexter’s Laboratory
Cow & Chicken
Tiny Toon Adventures
Pepper Ann
Johnny Bravo
2 Stupid Dogs
Kablam
Powerpuff Girls
Rocko’s Modern Life
Arthur (i know they still show this one)
Rainbow Fish
Little Lulu
The Flinstones
Sailor Moon
The Jetsons
Recess (i know they still show this one)
The Magic School Bus (i know they still show this one)
and many more. Man i miss those cartoons =’[. I used to watch them ALL THE TIME when i was younger. I’m 18 now. Those were the GOOD cartoons haha. I sure do miss them though =[
But what are your favorite childhood cartoons?
thanks
This Is Part Of A Book I’m Writing, What Do You Think?
I’m only fifteen, and I’m still learning.
Any constructive criticism is appreciated
**Please, DONT steal my work. Use your own brain.
Also there may be spots that say ” I ”
Those are originally in italics.
This is about the second chapter, so it may be a little confusing. But bear with me
The car screeched around the corner, and Ayla froze at the crosswalk. Maybe they were drunk or high on something. Or maybe they were just running late, but whatever there excuse they didn’t see her. Her mind screamed at her to run, or just to do something, but here body couldn’t.
They weren’t stopping. They’re going to hit me, she realized. Ayla’s heart thudded in her chest, as the car sped closer, an incoming death.
Her whole body tingled, lightening shot through her. The Avalon raced toward her like an arrow. She squeezed her eyes shut, and braced herself. But the impact never came.
The scent of exhaust burned her nose, and caused Ayla to open her eyes. Startled to see the underside of a car, she jolted and sat up. Luckily the car drove forward as she did, saving her from a nasty bump on the head. That car… it was going to hit me… I should be dead. She thought over and over, seeing the image of the car racing towards her.
“Oh my gosh!” And a thudding of feet on the asphalt brought a person into her view. “Are you ok? Did you get hit? What happened? The young man was frantic.
Black fuzzed around her vision, and Ayla swayed.
“Somebody help! I think she was hit!” His voice sounded distant, then more rushing of feet.
She couldn’t concentrate. Everything lacked clarity, it felt like a dream. More bodies appeared in front of her. Concerned brown eyes stared into her silver ones. Their lips formed a question.
Ayla wanted to tell them that she was fine, just tired, But her head was heavy. And the world, it kept spinning. She was so dizzy.
She finally managed in a mumble “Just tired…,” before she let the blackness roll over her. A welcome sleep.
She was being cradled in someone’s arms. Panic and fear filled the atmosphere. Ayla felt small, and was wrapped in warm blankets. Voices cried out, but Ayla could not understand them. Crying rang in her ears. It took a moment before she realized it was her. Why am I crying? She was utterly confused, what’s going on? It was a dream, she realized. It had the feel, but still felt more vivid then her normal dreams. That could have been due to her extreme exhaustion, or perhaps it was a fever dream. .Usually her dreams didn’t make sense at all – things like riding the magic school bus to a desert house at the bottom of the ocean, and finding her fifth grade teacher as a zombie. This dream, though… it felt familiar in a way. Maybe it was based on a movie she’d seen.
Things around her were pure chaos. Things were exploding, and she was disturbed by the noises. The woman, who carried Ayla looked down at her burden, shushing her with friendly hazel eyes.
Kristy had to get Ayla out of the hospital before she broke something important. Plus, antiseptic smell was making her head hurt. Ayla laid restlessly twitching, and obviously not having a peaceful sleep. This was causing her to fly out of out of control. Due to Ayla’s dominant blood line, Kristy-also of strong blood- was struggling to keep her from braking hospital equipment-or people.
Then finally the nurse came bustling in, and Kristy stood up.
“I would like to take my daughter home now” She said, putting emphasize on the now.
The red headed nurse frowned, “I don’t think that would be wise. We’d like to wait until she wakes up to question her.”
“There is no concussion, no broken bones or bruises, not even a scratch to suggest she may have been hit by a car or anything else for that matter. Am I correct?”
“Well yes but-“
“Then I’d like to take her home,” Kristy interrupted, impatiently. Which was uncharacteristic for her, but the smell and effort of controlling Ayla along with her stress had drained any patience. She needed to get them both out of there before she herself fainted from Power Overexertion.
Sighing the nurse said she’d go fetch the doctor. As Kristy waited she drummed her fingers on the table, listened to the ticking of the clock and the sounds of Ayla moving on the bed.
She had small beads of sweat on her forehead when at long last the Doctor walked in. He tried as the nurse had-unsuccessfully- to convince Kristy to leave Ayla at the hospital. She promised she’d bring her back in at the smallest sign of a problem. The nurse wheeled a groggy Ayla out to the car, and together the two women hauled her in.
Ayla was still disoriented, so Kristy let her be. The drive home was long with the continuing battle over Ayla’s powers. She decided as soon as Ayla was well, she’d tell her what she was. Or at least what she needed to know
What Were Your Favorite Cartoons Growing Up?
It seems that today’s cartoons just aren’t that good.
I was just watching something on youtube and it reminded me of some of my favorite cartoons of my childhood.
List: In no order…
Pokemon
Digimon
Yu-gi-oh
Hey Arnold
Arthur
magic School Bus
Justice league
Dexter
Johny Bravo, Swat Katz, captain planet…and many more..
Do kids today even have good cartoons to watch..??
So what were your favorite cartoons while you were growing up?
What Would You Call My Style…?
…based off of this description and these pictures?http://s393.photobucket.com/albums/pp13/…http://s393.photobucket.com/albums/pp13/…http://s393.photobucket.com/albums/pp13/…
And today, I wore a plain, long-sleeved black shirt that was sort of fitted, pink skinny jeans that had ‘Magic School bus <3' written up one leg in pen, and orange Osiris tenners. My hair was down and flat ironed, but only a little.
This is just for fun, none of those 'labels are for cans' answers.
Thanks!(:
What Tv Shows Did You Watch When You Were Little?
And how old are you now?
Im 15 and i use to love heck i still love them,who doesnt?
Boy Meets World, The Magic School Bus, Doug, Hey Arnold!,Full House,Sister, Sister,Double Dare,
Clarissa Explains It All,Legends of the Hidden Temple
Rugrats,Inspector Gadget,Recess,bill nye the science,Rocko’s Modern Life, Angry Beavers, AAAAH Real
Monsters, Little Bear,Rupert, Pinky and the Brain,Arthur,Gullah Gullah Island.
Those were the best shows ever
So what shows did you watch as a kid? do you still watch them every now and then?
What Are The Main Things You Need In A Fantasy Story?
i am currently starting on a fantasy story about a girl with no powers whereas her best friend has the ablilty to fly and has a special rare flying squirrell as a animal thingy, her mum had died when she was about 2/3 and is currently joining her first day of voosca (magic school) even though she is without any powers. i was just wondering what would make it go that little bit further and b published,. What would make it enjoyable, gripping, yet emotional ,
PLEASE HELP!! x
